» September 2009
» Finding Myself
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09/20/2009: "Finding Myself"
So it is rather early here (not yet 7am) and I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am and who I've been over the years.
I have been told that as a child I was typically happy, always seen with a smile. I let the other kids take toys from me and just continued on with a new toy and didn't through a fit. Apparently, I asked really naive or dumb questions that made people worry that I was just not going to be bright.
In middle school, I remember being smart but still unsure of myself. I remember always asking my mom if I was pretty. This always bothered her because she just wanted me to worry about being smart and I would respond that I know that I'm smart! I guess that's why I enjoyed being a cheerleader and a beauty contestant because they told me that I was pretty and smart!
In college, it took me a while to get into that world socially but as far as academically, I was very secure in myself. Eventually, I was confident prehaps even aggressive, I was self-aware and not afraid of anyone or anything. (The woman that Kevin fell in love with!)
I guess that at all these different points, I have known what was important to me: child - no drama, teen - attention, and college - competition (or rather crushing my competition). But now I'm feeling very lost because there are so many things that I want and I'm having trouble focusing on the highest of these priorities.
Kevin's vote is that all I need to do is get back (or forward) to the person that I want to be or that I am comfortable with being and then I will feel better in my own skin. And I think that I've figured out who I want to be I just don't know how to be that person in the current atmospheres that I live/work in.
So if anyone else has ideas or suggestions on how to help me focus, I would appreciate it!